i'm sorry i haven't a clue best jokes i'm sorry i haven't a clue best jokes

'Risky, rude, brilliantly written and superbly performed' The Judges, Sony Radio Academy Award This second treasury contains over 30 hilarious editions of the awar d-winning 'antidote to panel games', first published as I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue Volumes 1 0 to 15, I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue . Fortunately, this changed over the years, with the introduction of regular female guests including Victoria Wood (who had been identified as a future mainstay before she died at 62). Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand broadcast an offensive phone call to the actor Andrew Sachs. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp Wait a minute, there's a bit here I didn't read. Alternative definitions for some familiar English words: Macaroon To leave a Scotsman on a desert island, Mishmash What Sean Connery will do if he doesnt get to church on Sunday, Pantomime Underwear for the hard of hearing, Pastiche What Sean Connery eats in Cornwall, Pomegranate Australian for a Englishman made of stone, Reindeer A Michael Winner weather prediction, Scruple Cross between a screw top and a ring pull, Tenure How they describe a decade in the West Country, Testicle A boat makers first attempt at a coracle, Toll Where you try to put the ball in on a Yorkshire golf course, Truculent That lorry you used to rent out, Warehouse A person who turns into a house at the Full Moon, Wince A setting on Jonathan Rosss washing machine, The comments below have not been moderated, By Someone in middle management says: Im not so sure about this line, then someone else isnt sure, either.. ", "Musical accompaniment at the piano will be provided by Colin Sell. 72. 100 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe "When I'm Cleaning Windows" to the tune of "Walking in the Air" (Graeme Garden) 33. Quotations that certain celebrities would be most unlikely ever to say: Neil Kinnock To cut a long story short Jerry Springer Your private life is no concern of mine, David Attenborough No, pass me the BIG gun, John Humphrys No, no, please finish your point. Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimers 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't Clue scorer Samantha rarely stays until the end of the show. The show launched in April 1972 as a parody of radio and TV more More I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue quotes Collection Edit Buy Humphrey Lyttelton: She visits the old men down there every so often to get new material for the show, but it's a trifle unorganised down there. 21 of Rhod Gilberts funniest jokes and one-liners (All books that might be found on the bookcase of Donald Trump), Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis, North Wales", Yours etc., Mrs. Trellis. Radio 4 broadcasters are discouraged from saying even the C-word, in case child listeners ask adults to spell the word out. Garden recalls a meeting with then BBC director general, Mark Thompson, at which Thompson cried: Double everyones pay!, Fees have remained unchanged since, say insiders. That Lyttelton did another 43 runs of a show marking five decades on air is due, Garden believes, to a change to its initial, completely improvised, approach which was a bit too casual. Burt Reynolds greatest quotes remembering the actors wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 50 of the best lines from Peep Show The filthy beast! I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue (BBC Radio 4, 11 April 1972- ) is a British radio comedy programme which describes itself as "the antidote to panel games". There can be no greater compliment to the performance of a script than for the audience to fail to notice there is one. Very well, let's move on.". She says she can't wait to get home and handle her new Phillips upright. Weve always tried to do the show, says Garden, as if there were quite a severe BBC censor still in existence and we were obliged to get in the dirty jokes through innuendo rather than saying the words directly. In ancient Egypt, they wrote unintelligible scribbles on walls and worshipped cats. As the worldwide economic crisis marches on, the contestants offer a selection of low-budget remakes of famous films and television shows: Harry Potter And The Paul Daniels Magic Set. Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners ", (After Jeremy Hardy has sung in a round of Pick up Song) "That wasn't even the same track. ", "This musical lament will be accompanied by Colin Selland music doesn't come more lamentable than that. ", "We've asked Colin Sell to provide piano accompaniment. But one practice still makes it a bit of a wall of death. ", "Samantha has just started keeping bees, and already has three dozen or so. Also, Samantha was usually the instigator of these alleged events she was never taken advantage of and also, finally, she didnt exist. The matter was eventually settled by alternating her duties with Sven, an equally libidinous male. Lyttelton's Britain: A User's Guide to the British Isles As Heard On BBC Radio's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, by Iain Pattinson, is published by Preface. ", "Samantha has to nip out now as she has a new gentleman friend. ", "Colin Sell is at the piano, and with exciting career news - he tells me that he's recently started to work with pop sensation Bjork, so now he's making regular trips to Iceland or if they're shut, he goes to Bejams. And at the Naturistss Ball, please welcome, if you will: Mr and Mrs Gleebits and their son, Dan, From Poland, Mr and Mrs Vestov and their very keen daughter, Eva, The Right Honorable Mr Knott-Snowing and his lovely daughter, Gladys. Certainly up there with "Ant looked on in horror as he went down with both hands on deck". ", "Dear Dr. Clare, So pleased to hear that Tim Brooke-Taylor is back - without him the show was like Hamlet without the balcony scene.". However, it wasn't until 1993 that she started becoming the butt of increasingly risque jokes. Perennial antidote to panel games. Biggins said that Lionel's Rod was outstanding but he easily had it licked", "The next round is called 'Cheddar Gorge' and it's just one of many parlour games inspired by English place names. Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis, North Wales, Dear David Dickinson, I can sum up why the BBC have your programme on TV every night in three words: Cheap As Chips. Panel Game (according to the introduction, "the antidote to panel games") broadcast on BBC Radio 4 and the "classic radio" station BBC 7. Let me introduce four of them. Love your butter., 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes "It happened some time . I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy panel game. It's not every duck that becomes President. But that was not long before he died [in 2021].. 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier 70. The five funniest games from I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue Hilarious, embarrassing, and bizarre challenges set by the chairman, Jack Dee. Tomorrow, it's going to drizzle. It all started with an iconic wartime show called 'It's That Man Again' or. The White Sox' catastrophic start to the season has all but eliminated the team's playoff hopes before the first month Free shipping for many products! ", "Incidentally, pianist Colin Sell was once mistaken for a member of the Partridge Family it took him nearly three weeks to pick the lead shot out of his backside. "Samantha has been working down in the gramophone library today, where the archivists have been engaged in a heated argument about who sits at which desk to get the best view of Samantha's shapely legs. After 30 minutes, the doleful host declared that the first show had come to a merciful end. Sandi, Barry, Miles and Richard make up silly letters On. The late Humphrey Lyttelton once wrote: As we journey through life, discarding baggage along the way, we should keep an iron grip, to the very end, on the capacity for silliness. So listen up, rest of the world. RIP Tim. mw963 Posts: 2,844. We go through the songs once in rehearsal, says Sell, so I can change key and pick up their pace. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy panel game. This is the game where the team are presented with the first half of memorable quotations to finish off: Twas brillig, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe. Enforced Holiday. The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes But, in 2008, after Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand broadcast an offensive phone call to the actor Andrew Sachs, the BBC introduced layers of compliance management. 30 of Michael McIntyres best jokes and funniest one-liners Born in 1972, it was something of a continuation of the Sketch Show I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again (which was also the origin of Monty Python's Flying Circus and The Goodies). For his first 17 years as producer, says Naismith, he was the only one to hear the show before it went out. Now aged 103, Mr. Hinkler celebrated by repeating the event in October this yearand beat the train by seven and a half hours. ", "Actually, we were all very impressed to learn that Colin once played alongside Roy Orbison. It was as if Humph occasionally felt the show was going too well, was too professionally slick, and he felt the need to remind us not only what a rank amateur he was, but that all those around him were even worse. All quotes are by Humphrey Lyttelton unless otherwise stated. He was making notes to remind himself to point them out. . Beloved comedian and writer Barry Cryer has passed away at the age of 86. Cryer, who was called "giant of British comedy", was well-known for his role on BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't A. His attitude was that the writing of the script wasn't his job. 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue's funniest definitions to make you smile this Christmas Credit: Shutterstock The tongue-in-cheek take on the English language was introduced on Radio. . ", "The city (Leeds) has connections with many famous people. The programme was first aired on April 11th1972 and the signature tune Aren't they a bunch of bastards, all that finger up the. Following reports that BBC Radio 4 considered toning down I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue because of complaints over the smutty jokes, here are some of the show's dirty innuendos from four years of broadcasting. ", "Welcome to ISIHAC where fun and laughter get on like a mouse on fire. The programme is known for its ridiculous rounds and games, such as Mornington Crescent and Word Disassociation played completely for laughs by the panellists who, to the untrained eye, might appear at first to be playing for points. ", "Despite this only three expressions of Scottish derivation are in regular use: kilt, haggis, and Partick Thistle nil. Thank Goodness he wasn't traveling to Nanking. again, so he's had to come on his bike. As BBC Radio 4 agrees not to tone down Im Sorry I Havent a Clue, here are some of the show's smutty Samantha jokes over the past four decades. An audience of 3,500 rose as one to express their appreciation, as Humph improvised a powerful, note-perfect rendition of We'll Meet Again. Yours, Mrs. Trellis. 26 of Stewart Lees most gloriously acerbic jokes But, at 12.52 on a Thursday afternoon, a Radio 4 punchline landed the most taboo word in broadcasting using Clues signature trick of blue-chip filth where the rudeness isnt visible on the script, but is made audible in the delivery. Incidentally, new listeners to the programme may be interested to know that Colin Sell was a member of several pop groups in the 60's and 70's, some of which became quite well known after he'd left them. . I'm Sorry I Haven't a ClueThe Complete Lionel Blair (1993-2007) Mark Campbell 1.45K subscribers Subscribe 212K views 4 years ago A compilation of every single Lionel Blair joke (as. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue The self-styled antidote to panel games. Will Somebody Shut Those Bloody Lambs Up? ", "During Tudor times, Hull's customs levies on Humber shipping resulted in a feud with neighbouring Beverley. "Dear Mr. Gadaffi, You must be very proud. He spent 4 days holding up a dried arrangement at the Chelsea Flower Show. But then the BBC got in touch with Jon Naismith, remembers Sell, and said emails were flooding in from listeners who needed it back.. Clued up Im Sorry I Havent a Clue historic innuendo star Stephen Fry, chair Jack Dee and late-lamented regular Victoria Wood. Hosted by Humphrey Lyttelton, and originally played by Barry Cryer, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Graeme Garden, Willie Rushton, a range of guests have performed on the programme's panel since it began. He became quite frail towards the end and it was obvious he was frustrated by his own body giving up on him. Before Chairman Humph, panel games had been chaired by nice chaps (and they invariably were chaps) who hoped we'd all enjoy the show as much they were going to enjoy delighting each other with their wit and wisdom. He said she was delighted to see his little firm won. 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips The show is introduced as "The Antidote to Panel Games" and consists of a panel of four comedians, split into two teams and "given silly things to do" by a chairman. 2 days until dreams become reality. 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes A Madrigal was a kind of medieval lament bemoaning the state of the world and harking back to mythical golden age which never existed. Even now the authorities regularly uncover unstable cases carrying decaying material which have to be handled with the greatest of care. Harry Hill, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Colin Sell, Humphrey Lyttelton, Jon Naismith, Graeme Garden and Barry Cryer in Oxford for a recording of Im Sorry I Havent a Clue in 2005. 35 of Blackadders most cunning quips and insults Garden remembers: We had one complaint about Samantha, which the BBC took incredibly seriously and promised she would be removed from the premises. Desperately sad news to hear that Tim Brooke Taylor died today from coronavirus - he was 79. 41 of the funniest quotes from The Good Place about life and death Yours etcetera, Dear Leonardo da Vinci, Scrub the sitting Ive got to go to the dentist. But there was a later communication that his wife and family were upset and would the BBC calm us down a bit. ", "While Samantha nips out to enjoy a mouthful of Jacob's", "Samantha has just returned from congratulating a local builder friend who successfully bid for a contract this week. Jack Dee hosts the self-styled antidote to panel games. The comedian Jeremy Hardy has died, aged 57, leaving behind a legacy of formidable wit and humour. But it was the first three.. All-night sitting I shouldnt have had those oysters. brightondome.org. Jack Dee chairs the 75th series of the show. Graeme Garden, who devised the show, is surprised by its longevity. I can tell by your face that stuff really does do exactly what it says on the tin. . 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones comedy ISIHAC NEWSLETTER. Here, concluding our series to mark the programmes 40th anniversary, are more of its most gloriously groan-worthy moments. ", "Dear Mrs McCartney: My, what a terrible mess. . It was eventually announced that the show's 73rd series in Autumn 2020 would consist of Tim's final two episodes (recorded shortly before the nationwide lockdown), followed by four remotely recorded episodes with the surviving regulars and a virtual audience (categorized by the BBC as Series 74). I sometimes say that Clue went on three years too long, he says. ", "Hang on - what do you mean you write his scripts?". In what way is it a farm? From I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, 1995. She says she doesn't mind looking up and seeing him hung like a baboon. Something wrong there. Know what I like to do? Across the 50 years, the series has only twice seemed close to ending. Its an approach that has captured in the shows single most celebrated one-liner. In 2005, when Garden and Naismith made plans for the first live tour (partly to supplement the paltry Radio 4 fees), the BBC tried to stop them, claiming copyright until legal advice said that neither the BBC nor Garden owned the show, which was not a format, but a series of formats. ", "Nottingham is also famous for its links with football, and Notts County is proud to be the oldest team in the English leaguebut they hope soon to buy some younger players. Apparently, they've been working on the restoration of an old chest of drawers. . Is there a farm shop?, My locals rough as anything. Best father of the bride jokes for a wedding speech to remember ", "Musical accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell, who tells me he's thinking of branching out into artist management. Do hope you havent embarked on another career. All rights reserved. Well loved celebrities include Alan Bennett, and Barry Cryer used to know his milkman. 30 of Stephen Frys funniest jokes and quotes "Stand by Me" to the tune of the William Tell Overture (Paul Merton) 31. Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Billed as "the antidote to panel games", it consists of two teams of two comedians being given "silly things to do" by a chairman. Yes never mind all that, Sir, blow into this please, Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?. Winter: the season when we try to keep . Incidentally, we've just heard some great news - I'm very pleased to announce that the BBC have arranged a special collection of Colin's entire work they've bagged it up, & the council are sending some men round for it on Tuesday. While being mocked by the others for his age and incompetence at trying to read a tricky retake, he stopped, gazed to the side for a moment, squinted, and asked: "Has the man in the end bed died?" Samantha is in charge of polishing, while he scrapes the varnish and wax off next to her. The sound isn't terribly good. By He loved jokes and he loved an audience. 'Who will ever forget Lionel Blair, exhausted and on his knees, finishing off An Officer and a Gentleman in under two minutes'. ", "Leeds galleries and museums may contain countless priceless artefacts, but keen-eyed visitors may also find here certain curiosities of no financial value, remnants from a bye-gone age guaranteed to kill half an hour. How did Blair take this weekly misrepresentation of his sexuality? 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners The inspiration was always there to do something more quirky, more daring, more stupid and, occasionally, even more outrageously knob-gag-laden. It's her first day, so apparently she's going to give a speech in the back room and hand jobs out in the office. ", "Well, it's time to meet the teams and I can honestly say you couldn't ask for four better comedians. 23 of Outnumbereds funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) Barry and I worked together for 50 years on I'm Sorry I Havent A Clue, and our gleeful spin off You'll Have Had Your Tea with Hamish and Dougal. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a half-hour comedy programme, billed as "the antidote to panel games". 41 of Eddie Izzards funniest jokes and quotes A Mrs Trellis of North Wales has written in to complain that the show has 'an enormous fistful of rampant innuendo rammed into every crack', but only a truly filthy-minded person would think such a thing. 50 of Milton Joness most ingenious jokes and one-liners As BBC Radio 4 agrees not to tone down I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, here are some of the show's smutty Samantha jokes over the past four decades She says he's looking forward to showing her Cardiff and Cardigan Bay, before going on to Bangor in the back of his van. 16K views, 567 likes, 121 loves, 6 comments, 33 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Iglesia Portal Campestre: Has the i.m.p.o.r.t.a.n.t clue of the case been discovered by Rex During his silent, solitary pre-show read-through in a dingy corner of the theatre, I would occasionally spot him scribbling notes when he discovered a typo or a grammatical error. 16 of Barry Chuckles greatest jokes Mrs. Sell says it's the only thing that gets him up in the morning. That's not to say he wasn't the complete professional, but he didn't need to prove anything. Childhood - young gangster. Since its inception 'Clue' has seen its success blossom from the impish son of 'I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again' to the big daddy of all panel games. Back in the day I seem to remember hearing one of the team saying that when Humphrey passed on (for he was the oldest) they'd end the programme as a mark of respect, and also on the basis that no-one could replace Lyttleton. Iain Pattinson the man who wrote the gags for I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, recalls his razor-sharp wit, Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, 2023 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. "Dear Mrs Lawley, Here's an idea: How about a celebrity version of 'Desert Island Disks'? It would have been more, but the chain kept falling off his bike. I said were gonna invade Tie Rack. Here's just a selection to remind you: Samantha has to nip out now as she has promised to style her new gentleman friend's hair for him. . In which the panel translate the true meaning of that ignoble professions favourite soundbites: As the Honourable Member is perfectly aware, I have nothing to hide You bastard, how did you find out? I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE. We are no longer accepting comments on this article. More than once, between tears of helpless laughter, the producer and I asked each other: "Can we actually broadcast that?". ", "Dear Mr Melly: Here's a great tip for removing any annoying little hairs that collect in the bath plughole: tempt them up with a carrot and pull them out by their long floppy ears. ", "Teams, to accompany you, I'm sure you'd all like to welcome our brand new pianistbut until he's provided, we'll just have to make do with our old one Colin Sell. He often said that the others on the show were professional comedians, so why would he, a trumpeter, try to compete? Sit down, Madam." After the success of our 'not for broadcast' Theatre Tours in 2007, 2008, 2009 and 2010 (all sell-outs), we're returning with a special fundraising edition of the show for the charity ENRYCH, whose stated aim is to enrich the lives of disabled adults. Still, it was during one of those famous comradely Cryer phone calls of which we have all heard so much that the roots of The Clue Bible, my first weighty slab, covering over 50 years of British comedy history, first found soil.Back in the mid-2000s, I was a veteran videogame journalist who in my spare time performed sketches in a double act, and tried to get my children's stories published. So I think the BBC leaned on us. P.S. ", "The area has become even more of a tourist attraction. ", "Samantha's popped out to visit an old gentleman friend of hers who's a notorious curmudgeon. 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny) In the months before he died, Humph and the team toured a stage version of I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. Introduced as "the antidote to panel games", it consists of two teams of two comedians "given silly things to do" by a chairman. Hardy rose to prominence in the 1980s, winning the. Caberet - wide range of taxis for hire. Or: " the title will be provided by the technical wizardry of the multi-pixelated laser display screen. ", "Actually, Colin was telling us that he recently started on backing material with his new singer so if anyone needs some curtains run up", "Actually, listeners may be interested to hear that Colin doesn't only play the piano oh no. Yours faithfully, Mrs Trellis. ", "You'll be accompanied on the piano by Colin Sell, one of the finest musicians of the dayof course, when night comes, something seems to desert him. P.S. They said yes, and threw him in the swimming pool. Here, concluding our. Sincerely, Specsavers, The High Street, Hastings. Incidentally, we were all surprised to hear that Colin has recently been standing in for Oasis. Suddenly, we had all these people people listening over the shows, says Naismith. 2012 Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Willie Rushton, Iain Patterson, Jeremy Hardy and Jon Naismith. There's also Barrow-in-Furness which involves burning garden implements, Sellafield, where the object is to try to flog off a plot of contaminated land, and of course we musn't forget Broadstairs, a game for people who are too fat to use the lift. Frazier has been assigned to Triple-A Charlotte. a lamppost, Et tu. Im just suprised I haven't seen a chopper with the Diamond Dogs or MSF logos on them. They're going on a driving tour of Wales. The teams take it in turns to sing various lines in order to make up a the verses of a madrigal. They're going on a driving tour of Wales. Barry was Old School; in his stand up act he told jokes. ", "Samantha was telling us before the show she's been visiting a nice gentleman racehorse owner in his stables recently. New voices Pippa Evans is now a regular on the show. She tells me she's got a man coming round who's keen to inspect her . 'We're not your enemies!' 105 of the best bad jokes Ballykissangel. I don't think I was meant to read that bit." Arent they a bunch of bastards, all that finger up the arsehole, all day long. 49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes We could therefore, if required, defend the material, in that it could only appear filthy to someone with a dirty mind - so what were they complaining about? Orbison, of course, was nicknamed 'The Big O', and in turn, he affectionately referred to Colin as 'That Little C'", "Piano accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell, who tells me that his musical influences are Middle-Eastern in origin mostly Shi'ite!". Then, Samantha says, she likes to watch as he rips the paper strips and wax off for her", "It just occurred to me that Samantha hasn't given us the scoressince 1981. 20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes. To see a man's true face, look to the photos he hasn't posted. Yours, Wiltshire Council. And Barry Cryer, much to the relief of listeners, claims I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue won't be changed or supressed, and says the row over smutty jokes has died down.